Bonjour,
On a more serious note today, I'm going to talk about those bitches that
everyone unfortunately faces as some point during their life.
Whether or not you're in school still or have moved on to the big wide
world, bullies will always be there. Even if you're the nicest person in the
world and think you're friends with everyone, sadly there always has to be one.
I'm friends with everyone in my form group meaning I don't hate any of them. Of
course I sometimes argue with them - as all friends do - but this isn't what
I'm going to talk about.
Why do bullies target people?
Some people think they're better than you, for whatever reason. Some
common reasons are:
- They have low confidence
themselves and feel the need to hide this by acting confident and mean
towards others. If someone appears confident, they can use this to their
advantage. It's hard to stand up to bullies because they act tough and
seem very sure of themselves thus meaning more people try harder to be
nice to them to avoid being targeted.
- They used to be/still are
being bullied. This sounds odd - why would someone being bullied bully
someone else if they know how much upset it can cause someone? The answer
is very simple: it's all a matter of power. Bullies feel they have power
because people fear them and therefore try to stay on their good side.
People do not respect them however, be
careful to remember that: it's all due to the mind telling you to avoid
someone's bad side because of fear so psychologically people are
automatically nice to them. It's horrible to feel weak so bullies pick on
people weaker than themselves.
- They may have a troubled
home life. This can sometimes link into the second point. If someone is
being abused at home, bullied by a sibling or do not know/are not close to
their family, they can take it out on other people. For example, if a
child was left from an early age by their father and is left with the
mother, the child may feel neglected especially if the mother tells the
child is was their fault. This can have a damaging impact on a person
especially a child who is easily influenced.
Number 2 is particularly important. This is because people often dismiss
words and do not count it as a form of bullying. However, if it upsets and
harms you, it is bullying. The phrase "sticks and stones may break my
bones but words will never hurt me" does not apply here. If someone is making offensive or hurtful comments towards
you, it matters and it is important that you do something about it. Likewise,
physical bullying is very damaging and is never okay. It doesn't matter how hard the punch was, it it was meant to hurt
you it counts. (If you and your friends were joking about and it was an
accident, that's a different matter.) You should never let anybody treat you in
an inferior manner: everyone is equal.
Of course there are many more reasons but these are some main and common
ones.
What does bullying mean?
Bullying comes in all shapes and forms. It first may start of as
harmless teasing that is quite funny but eventually turns into something that
annoys and upsets you and you find that you're no longer laughing with them;
they're laughing at you.
A bully is defined as "a person who
uses strength or influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker" as
taken from http://www.oxforddictionaries.com.
There are many forms of bullying. It is often defined as behaviour that
is:
- repeated
- intended to hurt someone physically or emotionally
In short, bullying takes many forms and includes:
- physical assault
- teasing
- making threats
- name calling
- cyberbullying - bullying via mobile phone or online (eg email, social networks and instant messenger)
What do I do?
I know it is very easy for someone to tell you what you should do in a
situation where you are being bullied because they often do not put themselves
in your shoes. However, I'm here to tell you that you tell someone. You cannot
sit in silence and endure it: tell someone. A lot more good will come from you
telling someone than if you stay silent. Do not just ignore it because it won't
make it go away: it will get worse and worse.
I used to be bullied and sometimes still feel like I am. I have OCD and
a lot of people make fun of me for it. However, you must stand up for yourself
and I have learned to do the same. Sometimes I don't but I always regret it
because it just gets worse and people continue to take advantage of you. If
someone is annoying you and being hurtful, tell them to stop. Don't threaten
them back or you're just as bad but let them know you won't accept it. When I told
my parents, I felt like I had a huge weight off my shoulders. My mum told me
she could write to my teacher so she could have a word with the girls bullying
me but I decided I needed to fight my own battles. The next time it happened, I
was firm and cold and told her to stop straight away - and she did! She even
looked a bit embarrassed because the whole class was watching and she didn't
get the reaction she wanted from me.
Tell someone you can trust. Most people say tell an adult but some
people find it easier to talk to a sibling or friend. Let them know how you
feel and go from there. Whatever you do, don't just write it in a diary or tell
your pet because they can't do anything even if it comforts you. By all means,
do that as well but remember to tell someone who can really help. Also, it's
not about revenge so don't get your friend or sibling to threaten or hurt the
bully - that won't make the situation any better.
Who can I trust?
If you feel you cannot trust either a family member/friend or another
friend you know, then it is vital that you speak to a teacher at school to
discuss the situation. If you feel uncomfortable doing this for whatever
reason, you can contact ChildLine who are willing to help you and talk to you, whatever the issue is. Don't be afraid to contact them - you can
remain anonymous and get free advice whatever your situation is.
- ChildLine website: http://www.childline.org.uk/Pages/Home.aspx
- ChildLine number: 0800 1111
- all calls are free and confidential and you can call at any time!
- ChildLine email: If you
create an account on ChildLine, you can email them but only them. You
don't get an email address - it's sort of like a messaging service and
replies are usually within 24 hours but can be longer in busy times.
On the ChildLine website you can also:
- read advice regarding
particular issues
- read the FAQs
- read advice from other
people on the message boards who may have had a similar experience to you
- online chat with counsellors
which is private
- visit the 'ask Sam' section
who replies to messages publicly so you can also read what other people
have asked
I hope this helps at least one person - then I'll feel happy. If you
just want to talk, you can leave me a comment to let me know and I will respond
to you personally and confidentially if you wish.
Lots of love - and keep your head up!
Love, Lena xo
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